All my Handsome men

All my Handsome men
kids fishing weekend 2011

Monday, May 10, 2010

This is a post after reading my moms post.
This is my wonderful Loving family. My sister Tessa, brother Greg, mom Deanna, dad Jim and me. We have always had a very loving family and very strong family. We went to church every Sunday (well most every sunday lol) I liked going to church even if at the time I didn't realize it. I grew up knowing God and loved knowing I had him in my life no matter what. If you read my moms post you will know that I had my first son at age 16 well I had just turned 16 1 month earlier. It was hard but there was no way I was going to give that wonderful gift from God away when I had enough love and a wonderful family to support me so i could raise him right. Travis was with me in church for the first time after spending the first week of his life in the hospital. Father noticed I had him and decided he needed to call me that afternoon and talk to me about that little boy I had with me in church that morning. I tried really hard to be nice and when he told me I had a lot of growing up to do I politely said "yes I know Father my parents are here for me to help me grow as a teen and as a mom." I guess he didn't understand what I said because he repeated this about three times. I then got frustrated and" said I really appreciate his concern but I need to get off the phone." He then said well I just wanted to say one more thing. I said ok whats that? He then said the one thing that has stuck with me since that day and I have yet to be able to forgive him for. He said" I just wanted to tell you that the world would be a terrible place if every girl your age did what you did." I got very upset and hung up the phone and started crying and luckily I had my big sister there with me to help me through it until my parents got home. We informed them of what happened and they were very upset also. What happened later that day I do not remember and I wish I do. aparently someone from our church came to our door and gave me a rose and said.......

“We want to thank you for choosing life”
A beating heart deserves a chance to grow and be loved. Many beating hearts are killed before they have that chance.

Father doesn't realize how bad he hurt me with what he said. He hurt me enough that day that I do not remember this act of kindness that might have saved my faith in the church. I read my moms post yesterday and started crying. I have not given my boys the gift of getting to know God because of my fear of rejection in the church and I have not been consistently in church for 10 years. I have a lot of thinking to do and I think I have to work on forgiving the one man I thought I could never forgive. I hope I can find the strength I need to forgive him. I hope all of you have a wonderful week I know I am going to and I am going to try to conquer this fear I have so I can give my boys the gift of God like mine did for me. Thank You Mom and Dad. I Love you all very much.


Deanna said...

Ok hun,now you have me crying.

I had no idea that you didn't remember the rest of that day. I did know that Fr. Fred rocked our faith, especially yours. And as we said this morning when we talked, if you let his words and the fear of rejection that he instilled in you keep you from God... he won.

I love it when I get to take your boys to church with us. They are so eager to understand what is going on and to know about God.

I truly believe that in time, you will find a way to forgive. I know it is a difficult thing to do. But not forgiving is only doing yourself harm.

I love you very much.


Toriz said...

As your Mom just said... If you let his words stop you from doing what you want to be doing (in this case, going to church, and embracing God) then he has won. Don't let someone like that ruin things for you. If he is too narrow minded to see the bigger picture, that is his fault, not yours. Don't let yourself suffer for it.

Intense Guy said...

If Fr. Fred is even half a man of the cloth - he too agonizes over what he said.

I don't mean this in a "you are old" way, but is he still alive? I know people that have taken years, and nearly their entire lives to make amends. He owes you an apology and an explanation.

jewelzmomof4 said...

yes Iggy I do believe he is still alive. I know he knows what he said was wrong. My wonderful Daddy made sure he knew what he said was wrong. Also during confirmation classes I also let him know in so many ways what he said made me mad. But.....I never forgave I just took pleasure in knowing that I let him know he was not well liked by me.

AliceKay said...

Those were very harsh words to be spoken to a teen mother. I hope you find a way to forgive him, so you can find your way out from under the cloud that's been over you all of these years. Foregiveness is sometimes hard, but I the's what makes us a better person.